Your Children Are Not Yours
And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said,
Speak to us of Children.
And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s yearning for itself.
They come through you but are not from you,
And though they are with you they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.
– From The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran
When I read this poem I knew I had to share it. It seems that all around me I see parents not letting go of their children when the time has come. It’s an unhealthy attachment, one that is ages old. Described in Buddhism as Upādāna, attachment takes four intertwined forms:
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sense-pleasure (kamupadana) : Pleasure from our senses
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wrong-view (ditthupadana) : Clinging to false theories and forming speculative theories
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rites-and-rituals (silabbatupadana) : Eager indulging into rituals and ritual practices
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self-doctrine (attavadupadana) : Greed arising from the idea that we are eternal, that we exist by ourselves
– Wikipedia
Parental attachment often rises out of fear. What I hear about most from parents is the fear that their child is not going to make it in life, that their child will become a drug user or dropout. Unfortunately, attachment clouds objectivity, and some parents never see just how mature their kids have become on their own.
Living your life without any attachment to the things you like – or aversion to the things you don’t like – helps attain a sense of freedom and happiness, absent of judgement. There is pride and joy when kids figure something out on their own. As a result, children who have a “helicopter” mom or dad doing everything for them will suffer in college.
Helicopter Parent: A parent who is involved in every aspect of a child’s life, especially school. Their own kids often describe them as hovering over them like a helicopter.
So relax a little. Everything around you may be in flux, but you still have to breathe. When you sit comfortably and start to observe your breath, you become an observer. You can be the same type of observer of your kids. But that doesn’t mean inaction. If your child is not doing well, you still need to get to the root of the problem. And that’s where coaching comes in.
You Are Not Your Age
If your body is going to age, does your mind have to age as well? Who said your body and mind even have to age?
Age, as we define it, is just a number. When we meet strangers, they can only guess how old we are. Yet we give such importance to every year, every month of our own age. Even though we really do not feel any different, we’re almost forced to feel different on our birthdays. According to Albert Einstein’s work, a body in motion ages less. It’s not a coincidence, then, that I call myself a “coach”; My job is to keep you moving and to keep you young.
Yoga is an excellent way to keep a body in motion. My practice of Baptiste Power Vinyasa Yoga strengthens muscles, enhances flexibility and increases endurance. At my yoga classes, boot camps and retreats, I have personally witnessed astounding transformations in my students – just by bringing their bodies and minds closer together. Arms, legs, hands, feet…they have no idea what “43” or “57” is.
It is just as important to nourish our spirits as it is to nourish our bodies. At Authentique Coaching, I work with coachees to tailor successful plans to surmount the various traps and stalemates of modern life. The human spirit yearns for loving feelings, and I will show you how love can interrupt the self-defeating thoughts of an exhausted mind. Changing your thoughts is the only way to change your destiny. Throughout your journey to a lasting happiness you will find that history’s greatest thinkers owed their success to unleashing the power of the subconscious mind. If you are full of thoughts like “I can’t do this” or “I can’t afford that,” then your subconscious mind will take you at your word and ensure that you do not have the ability or money to live as you choose.
If you allow me to, I will demonstrate that happiness isn’t found in winning a conflict or obtaining more money, but rather within yourself. To free your ageless spirit, we’ll first put it to work by letting go of your past. When you let go of your past, you become hootless, where no bad memories or sense of doom ever bothers you.
Every journey starts with the first step. Whether you are 30, 50 or 70, it’s never too late to start moving. Resist being defined by your age. Remember, there is no rule which says you have to tell people how old you are; whether consciously or unconsciously, people will make assumptions about you based on that number. However, if you remain true to yourself, do what you can, and stick with it, the only limitations holding you back will be the ones you put on yourself.
As a mother of three, an accomplished attorney and a sought-after yogini, I am here to tell you that it works, and I am available to share my strategies with you. To take that first step on your journey to lasting happiness, click here.
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Forgiveness
I often hear from coachees: I feel like I’m punch-drunk from growing up with my parents. When will I forget my childhood?
When you come to me with your boxing gloves on, fresh from a battle with life, it might be difficult for you to see that your gloves are actually removable. They may have served you very well, protecting you from the hard, often hostile world around you. As a retired “boxer” I’m here to tell you there’s an easier way.
During our childhoods we develop a storyline that becomes our “operating program”. This is the program that will parse out our lives, feeding us instructions and processing the way we interact with ourselves and other people. Any sort of abuse or neglect which occurred to us as children has a way of embedding itself deep in our hearts and subconscious minds. Unfortunately, more often than not, we do not realize we are carrying these non-loving feelings around with us. (more…)
Coaching, The Natural Thing to Do, And Why It Works
Before embarking on my own self discovery, and the self inquiry process that led to my personal transformation, I was one of those “bring it on” types. I was going to box my way through life, no matter what. And to make sure that I got the proper training, I went to the gym daily, sometimes twice a day and took boxing classes, pumped iron, and ran 40 miles per week while my mind also sprinted through my to do list. There was no time to waste!
Then there was the three hour daily commute filled, as you can imagine, with more checklists and charts, and only lifting my head once in a while to cast a stern look on those people who sat idle letting life pass them by. Elbowing my way through trains and subways, I would get to my office and face my work with the same mantra: Come on girl, come on girl, you can do it, just keep punching, keep hitting, hit harder! That’s a girl!
Late at night, as I laid down, I could see the next day and its load peering at me. It was all about teeth grinding, but I thought this was the only way to live.
- I did not know that the gnawing feeling at the pit of my stomach could vanish.
- I did not know I could feel lightness as I glided through my day.
- I did not know that imperturbability could become a way of life.
- I did not know that I could have, be, and do what I chose, when I chose.
Over the years, I have explored and uncovered techniques and strategies that have transformed the lives of many clients and hundreds of attendees to my workshops, boot camps, and retreats. And let me tell you something: they work!
Indeed, I witness my clients transform chaotic lives into happy, effortless, abundant and successful lives, based on my creating a customized blend of spirituality and strategy for them. As I often say to participants, you don’t have to believe what I say, you can check it out for yourself
The strategies I share have worked, and continue to work for me, and others. I have used them through illness. I use them with my three sons and can already see how two of them who are medical doctors apply those strategies to their practice. I have used them to face the thousands of documents I have to read for my court briefs with a grace, and alacrity I could never have imagined. I use them in my relationship with my husband of 30 years, and in all my relationships.
We are the architects of our lives.
Freedom is there for us to grab.
Would you like to take off the boxing gloves? I would love to hear from you and share stories that my clients tell me. Feel free to leave a comment in the box below.