Forgiveness
I often hear from coachees: I feel like I’m punch-drunk from growing up with my parents. When will I forget my childhood?
When you come to me with your boxing gloves on, fresh from a battle with life, it might be difficult for you to see that your gloves are actually removable. They may have served you very well, protecting you from the hard, often hostile world around you. As a retired “boxer” I’m here to tell you there’s an easier way.
During our childhoods we develop a storyline that becomes our “operating program”. This is the program that will parse out our lives, feeding us instructions and processing the way we interact with ourselves and other people. Any sort of abuse or neglect which occurred to us as children has a way of embedding itself deep in our hearts and subconscious minds. Unfortunately, more often than not, we do not realize we are carrying these non-loving feelings around with us.
Like everyone else, I was shaped by the events of my own childhood. When I was only five and a half years old, my mother passed away. This tragedy in my life was an unwelcome update to my operating system, but I did not power down. I became a leader, caring for my siblings and eventually realizing that something was shining within me that made me invincible. Other children looked at me and pointed their fingers, but I told myself “I am not going to let anybody tell me I’m wrong. I am going to be right.” This mindset, conceived at such a young age, is how I’ve lived my life.
The key to putting the past behind us is Forgiveness. We can delete these programs from our operating system, and we can do so without blaming anybody. That is true forgiveness.
Having a grudge against someone is painful, and it usually hurts the person who holds the grudge more than anyone else. When one of my coachees has determined that it’s necessary to let go of someone in their life, l often ask them to consider putting that person on a forgiveness list instead. I believe the essence of every human being is love, and to forgive is to love. Other coachees may want to go through their address book, or contacts lists, and identify people they need to forgive in order to move on and concentrate on the present moment.
Once you release your past and forgive those who may have done you wrong, you will begin to see that the clouds that you think are obscuring your happiness really aren’t bad…or good: They just are. Anthropologist, author and philosopher Carlos Castenada once made a profound observation about how happiness is a choice:
“The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same.”
My goal as a coach is to show you what work you need to do in order to be happy all of the time. Those clouds that seem to be obscuring your inner shine have no value, good or bad. You are the one with the value and the ability to pierce through those clouds. Through our sessions together, I will share with you the resources you need to have a beautiful, sunny day inside you, even when you are in the midst of the most powerful tempest.
How would your career change if you took your gloves off? Would your family recognize you?
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