Generations Go Best Together
Photo by Mike Baird
Younger people realize that the world is full of huge problems that they dream of solving, but no one is interested in their views. “You don’t know what the world is really like,” they are told. “Listen to your elders and then you’ll have a better idea of what to do.”
Older people have gained experience and maturity, and have learned about life’s difficulties the hard way, but when the moment comes for them to teach these things, no one is interested. “The world has changed,” they are told. “You have to keep up to date and listen to the young.”
– Paulo Coelho, Manuscript Found in Accra
The young and the old have been antagonists for far too many generations, and it’s hurting everyone.
Parents often throw the first stone in this war of attrition, by drifting into a “Because I said so,” or “I’m right,you’re wrong,” way of thinking.
I know what is good for you, I have experience, so I don’t want you to make the mistakes I made. I want to save you from those mistakes.
Sound familiar? Unfortunately these sincere attempts at protecting your child from harm may have the opposite effect. Every human being needs to write his or her own story and the mistakes we encounter along the way are teachings. We have to learn from them. For example:
There once was a woman with three sons. Wanting only the best for them, she made it clear to the eldest two that bad grades were not welcome in her house. She supervised their every activity and basically micromanaged their lives. When it came time for her youngest to enter school, the woman had a dramatic shift in her attitude. She no longer put pressure on her son. She let him be himself.
You may have figured out I am that woman. And my new way of doing things with my youngest is creating a child who is going to be every bit as successful as his brothers.
Give your children roots and wings. Roots by acting the way you want them to be; leading by example. When it’s time to let them go, let them go. To their choice of college to study their chosen field.
When I was growing up I know I hid my stumbles and pitfalls from my father so that he would not worry – and my intuition tells me the same thing is happening to us and our children. Why should they keep it secret? Break down the wall between generations. And that might be as easy as just taking a deep breath.
Soaring or Sinking, what’s your pick?
Part of being a coach is to be constantly learning new things. That’s what I was doing when I found myself being coached by another student at a continuing education class at New York University the other week.
We had to break into groups of two in which each member would coach the other one and vice versa. As I was enjoying the insights my partner pointed out in my life, the conversation took a different course.
Where do you find the time to do all that you do? You teach at Princeton Power Yoga at 5:30 am, you commute from Princeton to TriBeCa, you have your own law firm in the city, you coach, you have kids, how do you do all that?
That question I find to be quite profound because I had never sat down to think about me, honestly. I coach people, and get them to reflect on every facet of their lives, yet I never sat down to see exactly why my practice seems to work, and why other people want to emulate me.
There’s only one thing that I can really see and the main thing that I’ve seen happen in my life is that burning passion that I have for every single thing that I do. Having passion inevitably transforms what I do into something of value. In other words, it’s not only helpful to me, but also for the other person. Who would wake up to be at a yoga class at 5:30 am for forty days with the same teacher? My answer is: Ask the 100+ students who have taken my classes in Princeton. For us, waking up at 5:30 am to do Yoga is really not a big deal.
Passion is not reserved for the Yoga studio. When I am doing bench presses or when I am in the courtroom, I am passionate. Additionally, I married a man who has always let me soar in every dimension. I play the game of Life with a passion for being successful, and I feel as entitled to achieve my dreams as any male colleague.
And it’s over-achievers whom I primarily coach. They may come see me if they are dissatisfied with their lives or they cannot connect with their true selves. They are looking for that missing ingredient and what I’m saying is that I can ignite that missing ingredient; I can come up with a coaching model that would really ignite that passion because every single individual has passion, just like peeling the layers of an onion, it’s like discovering your true self. Who are you? In reality?
“Everyone can rise above their circumstances and achieve success if they are dedicated to and passionate about what they do.”
–Nelson Mandela
Everyone can rise above their stature and achieve success, but how does one choose that success? I bring people to excavate, to uncover that thing which is missing, that one missing ingredient.
What are you missing?