Non-loving feelings are like rogue waves in the ocean. Appearing out of nowhere and swelling to enormous proportions, they take away our breath and toss us around until we lose track of which way is up.
As Hafiz wrote centuries ago, there are consequences to these destructive forces:
Selections from I Know The Way You Can Get
O, I know the way you can get
If you have not been drinking Love:
Your face hardens,
Your sweet muscles cramp.
Children become concerned
About a strange look that appears in your eyes
Which even begins to worry your own mirror
You might rip apart
Every sentence your friends and teachers say,
Looking for hidden clauses.
You might weigh every word on a scale
Like a dead fish.
You might pull out a ruler to measure
From every angle in your darkness
The beautiful dimensions of a heart you once
– Selections from I Know The Way You Can Get
To me, fear is the most insidious non-loving feeling of all. Fear of death, fear of financial ruin, fear of not looking good enough – it springs from the mind like a predator pouncing on its prey, beguiling us into believing that there is such a thing as failure. In reality, you cannot take a picture of fear or feel the texture of failure because they don’t exist outside of the mind. Whenever you feel fear, remember that your mind is creating it and remember that what you think is what you get.
Do the thing you fear most, and the death of fear is certain.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
In order to reach a state of quiet confidence filled with Love where nothing can bother us, we must change our minds, not simply our behavior. If you begin to detach yourself from your mind, you also begin to detach yourself from these non-loving feelings.
I have found that can be as simple as remembering to be authentic.
That means loving who you already are and not caring if you look good walking down the street or if you look silly slipping on a patch of ice. Someone who is authentic is comfortable in her own skin, because she knows it’s the only skin that she will ever have.
It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved
for what you are not.
―André Gide, Autumn Leaves
Q: How can I rid myself of non-loving feelings?
There is something you can do to banish the non-loving feelings from your heart, and that something is nothing.
Whenever you are afraid, it is a sure sign that you have allowed your mind to mis-create and have not allowed me to guide it.
– A Course in Miracles
If you think of yourself as nothing, then nothing will bother you. What other people think about you is their business, it’s none of yours. That means you will not want approval from anybody else. You will not need any person or any thing to feel secure.
I leave you with a quote on this theme from one of the greatest spiritual leaders alive today. I hope it will inform your day and get you thinking:
There is nothing to trust seeking happiness from outside, you will only become exhausted with suffering,
which is without satisfaction and without end.
– His Holiness, the Dalai Lama
Denise K. Bonnaig, Esq.